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As the last of my epiphanies and muses came, so did July. It seems like everyone managed to moved forward.

You seem to have grown up so much, much more than since I last saw you 2 or more years ago. Though I still struggle to find reasons to explain this gutted feeling, I hate how the sight of your face still makes my heart skip a beat. This odd emptiness I've felt too many times physically to brush it off as placebo. Every time, with every Instagram post. But I'm alright. It's probably nothing at all. After all, there's always that something about firsts no one can truly just let go off.

And then there was you. I always hoped to get ahead first, to be the one who's busy relishing in my happy life, too content and in bliss to care about any damn thing that once created sadness. But I guess you too, got to the chase way faster. I instantly recognise those snaps, movies and all. In those frames full of ambiguity, were instead telltale and tell-all it was with someone new. I would know, I was once sitting opposite, while you casually documented lunch and whatnot, with that same sense of ambiguity. But with undoubted duality. Maybe if you're lucky and stay around long enough, the print of your flannel might eventually take a substantial amount in those 10-second frames.

Sadness still lingers, but a lot less than I expected. Though I still wonder, from depressing time to time, who both of you chosen after your test trials with me. How different they are the next time around? And if it'll be it this time. These questions and thoughts will linger for some time and may very well never find resolution. But good for me, they won't matter over time. They'll lose meaning over time.